So I'll never forget the first time I heard Led Zeppelin. I was a late bloomer, about 17, to Zep and classic rock in general. I was working at a furniture sweatshop at the time and my boss who was a retired Marine sniper was talking to me about rock in the most heavy of forms (Pantera, Slayer, In Flames) and asked me who the best rock band of all time is. I stuttered for just a second but he finished my sentence for me "Led Zeppelin of course". I nodded and gave a "psh, totally" hand gesture, after which i immediately thought "Who the #$%@ is Led Zeppelin". Keep in mind I had a really bad mouth back then cause I thought it was cool to swear in front of women and stuff. Being around a retired Marine sniper for 8 hours a day didn't help much either.

So I went back home and googled "best lead zepplin song" cause I didn't really know how to spell the bands name. It came back with a long list and at the top was Stairway and Kashmir. Well Stairway to Heaven sounded lame to me so I went with the one that was named after a sweater.

I opened up Napster and owned those RIAA fools in under 10 minutes.

The song opens with the force of a midnight freight train barreling down the tracks behind a suburban neighborhood. The double kick from Bonhams pedal keeps your cardiac functions in tune as the background cello and trumpets mess with your emotions. Robert Plants starts his cackling storytelling call while JPJ, Jimmy P hold the imagination in a choke hold. I was totally blown away. This sound was unlike anything I had ever heard before. For weeks i poured over the band and all of its history, before wikipedia was around so of course it was all legit information. The more i learned about the band the more i loved them. They embodied rock and roll in the most pure form. To them rock was something you did with your friends and did for the music, not to sell albums or whine about your sappy middle class American childhood. Up until then rock music was something for me to vent with and defy the Baptist church with. After I encountered Led Zeppelin I realized that rock was more of a way of thinking, a lifestyle. It's not being an iconoclast or a druggie. It's standing up for what you believe in, being creative, not backing down, a healthy dose of defiance and an appreciation for others point of view.

~

I've never owned a Honda motor vehicle. Some of my very best friends own Honda's. But thankfully my father has been a dyed in the wool Detroit man for as long as I can remember and would not sully our family garage with any of those chincy rice-burners. The stupid anime characters in the manuals; the Walkman crying as it melts in the sun cause you left it in your car when you fled Gojira, or the oil filter blowing smoke out of its mouth to warn you that the oil inside of it is hot. That's not the worst part about Honda cars. The worst part is that they always win the J.D. Power and Associates Best Buy award, they are Car and Drivers best family sedan or best in class overall value, they are Consumer Reports Editors pick, they are THE car your supposed to buy when you go to college.

They are not great cars, they are not horrible cars they are just good cars. Honda has never done anything outlandish or revolutionary or radical ever. Hondas are in fact the khaki pants of the automobile universe. They don't excel at anything. An 84 diesel Rabbit will get better gas mileage than the hybrid Insight, any American truck will last longer during hard labor, any BMW or Merc will resell better and MOST any respectable sports car will whip the S2000. If you leave a comment on this board and talk about the Element of the Ridgeline, i advise you to hold your tongue lest I verbally back-hand you in the mouth. Elements cannot get a 6 cylinder engine. And Ridgelines are just the bastard child of a CRV and a Chevy Avalanche.

Do you ever notice a 1997 Civic pull up next to you at a light? No, you don't. Unless they are one of those mentally deficient pseudo-gear heads that put the fart can on the muffler and the two-tier wing on the back. In that case they are just a nuisance. Do you even notice when an S2000 zooms past on the highway? No, you don't. You wonder, what is wrong with that BMW Z4? Did it get in a wreck?

Please help me in my cause. Boycott the Great Satan of cars. Don't buy Honda. Don't trade in your Hondas either, its just like spreading an STD to someone you may or may not know. Would you hand your friend a towel with Syphilis on it and expect them to give you money? I hope not.

Sorry Holly. Sorry Lee. You know its true.


P.S.
I've since bought plenty of Led Zeppelin music and been given Led Zeppelin music as gifts. So chill with the lawsuits.